Tuesday, October 23, 2007
♂ i've finally done it
I've finally done it. Well, I actually did it about 3 weeks ago. I gathered up the courage to go talk to my supervisor and pull out of the project. I told him that I had some personal difficulties and could not dedicate time to do it anymore. Damn, I feel like such a jerk. I am a jerk, I pulled out of the project just like that, and I don't even have a bloody good reason. I felt really bad afterwards, during the trip home from uni on that day, I almost cried on the tram. Perhaps I shed a little bit of tears. 2 weeks since then, life has been very dull like usual. I feel really... bumped. It's like, I want to do something. I want to do a phd. I want to do research. However, things... circumstances... just aren't clicking. I feel like, all doors have been closed on my face, or maybe I closed them myself. I don't know what to think, feel or want anymore. I am just so... tired. Last Sunday, I tried to contact my old honours supervisor, I was wondering if he would let me continue on my old honours project. Up til now, well it's only been 1 day... but he hasn't replied me yet. I do not expect much, things have not been going well for me. I guess he probably have heard about me dropping out of the potential phd project that i took earlier this year and doesn't want a dropout like me. When I called my mom earlier, she seemed to expect so much from me, she wanted me to continue do a phd, and I don't wanna disappoint her. But.... what can i do? I guess at the end of it, I will have to disappoint her. I am a failure.
12:02 AM
