Tuesday, March 28, 2006
♂ bored... so i changed my blog template
Things aren't going well with my slides... err... actually.. the problem is not with the slides... i think the problem may lie with the injections that we did...
anyway... i took some photographs of M1 today.. and they turned out pretty good.. I actually managed to locate the injection sites of both forelimb and hindlimb M1 ...
However... I could not find the corresponding areas in the thalamus.. maybe i was too tired... I guess I'll try again next time.. tomorrow gotta do some frozen sections... I'll look at the slides again tomorrow if I'm not too tired after cutting...
After all those things... my eyes were bloody tired... so I went back to my desk.. took a short nap... I planned to continue with my review.. but somehow I just don't have the mood.. so I blogged!!!
6:40 PM
Monday, March 27, 2006
♂ all by myself
so... he left... me alone.. doing this project on my own.. err.. not really alone actually... everyone in the lab is very helpful and they offered me their care and skills at my disposal.. that's good.. tomorrow i gotta ask the lab assistant to help me with the histology and immuno stuff... i also need to arrange a time for us to do surgery together.. cos i dun think i'm ready to do surgery alone just yet.. haha... i've done live injections and perfusions.. but not really live surgery... you know... opening up the skull.. with my trembling hands holding the drill unsteadily.. i would definitely nitch the brain... cause massive internal bleeding and wasting a rat... i need help with drilling!!!
Thoughts..
I guess all of us likes to boast... and boasting doesnt juzt apply to talking bullshit about yourself... i guess boasting also applies to cases when we talk about stuff.. that aren't really necessary to talk about.. but important to boost our own self-esteem so that we can feel superior to other peopl... now that i think about it... we like to feel superior.. and no matter what we do... we want to feel superior... even the best of people... For example.. people who self-sacrifice.. i guess deep in their hearts... they wanna feel superior.. that they can do things that other people cant do... they wanna show people that they have the will to neglect their own comfort for the goodness of others... when we willingly help others... probably we do it.. to fulfill our own desire... of feeling superior... of feeling better than others.. of being special...
12:43 AM
Thursday, March 16, 2006
♂ quit or not??
Lately, I've been having some quite serious thoughts about quitting the cell group leader thingy... Honestly, I am a bad leader.. a bad example..
Look at my life.. I'm moody, I'm lazy, I'm selfish, I don't care about people, I drink... I dun "walk the talk"... how can I go on?? I am just being a big bad hypocrite... maybe I should quit... and i know if I quit... it's very unlikely for me to come back... but how??
How do I go on??
11:54 PM
Monday, March 13, 2006
♂ what a crappy day...
she... when i mean she... its "her" ... well.. she sorta asked me the "question"...
I thought that I would be able to handle that kinda question... cos I thought that I've put the past behind me.. I thought that I will be able to move on...
but i thought wrong..
I am still being held back... I'm still living in the guilt of the past.. I can't move on... I can't walk forward...
I feel like such a hypocrite.. perhaps.. I am more than a hypocrite.. I am a fool.. a fool who can't get his life together... A fool who misses opportunities time and time again.. a fool who never learns... a complete hypocritical useless fool...
In the end.. i chickened out.. yes.. I'm a coward... Wilen said, "be a man..". I guess... I'm not yet a man.. I am still that brat.. that coward brat..
12:55 AM
Thursday, March 09, 2006
♂ getting pretty good at them
Yesterday, when i was cutting sections.. i realised that I'm getting really good at it.. I could actually do it fast.. and nicely.. all the sections were pretty good!!
Today, when i mounted sections... it was also much faster and neater than before!!
man.. i'm so proud of myself.. I'm glad that I'm picking up these techniques pretty fast.. I hope I'll pick up the other techniques as fast too...
Thoughts...
I just read this article/column.. "the making of a hero" by our president on the time asia magazine.. http://www.time.com/time/asia/2005/heroes/essay.html
We often do not want to be heroes.. we do not want to sacrifice.. we do not want to pay the price.. but circumstances stirred something within us.. there is something that we felt to be wrong.. there is something we want to change.. there is something that we love.. and we want to fight for it.. the question is the same as what he wrote.. would we?
Do you want to fight for that which you love??
11:17 PM
Sunday, March 05, 2006
♂ pancake.. or not..
My friends wanted to open this.. indonesian snack shop.. specialising in indonesian pancake (my fave food)... so... they tried making some today... downloaded the recipe from the web.. bought the ingredients.. and attempted to make it.. the first one was kinda crap.. burnt like hell... but if u remove the burnt parts, its quite good.. after several attempts.. the pancake was getting better and better... I ate so many indo pancakes today that my belly almost exploded.. hahah
Thought of the day...
The ladies probably wouldn't agree to my comments here but I'll go ahead with it anyway... This afternoon I watched "The Notebook" with my friend on foxtel.. being the typical girl.. she just went "awwww" whenever the hunky guy in the movie does something.. "romantic"... or something "self-sacrificing"
I guess... all guys who are really in love.. are willing to sacrifice anything for their object of affection.. I've been there before.. and have seen many others who were in that state... but the deal on whether it is romantic or not.. i guess it depends on the woman involved... If the girl happens to like that guy who does all those "self-sacrificing" stuff.. she'll be very touched and view those things as romantic... but if the girl doesn't like the guy... she'll get scared and terrified by the things that guy did for her...
agree???
11:34 PM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
♂ got pissed by the rat
After that long surgery.. almost 5 hours... i took the rat out of the stereotaxi frame.. took out the gas anaesthetic.. and cradled it like baby.. to comfort it.. and guess what the rat did in return.. it PISSED ON ME!!! man... after that... i lost the mood to do another surgery.. or any kind of work.. so i cleaned up all the instruments and went str8 home...
I got my laptop today.. yay so happy... but i gotta find some sort of case for it.. maybe ill go shopping around tomorrow..
Thoughts of the day...
Life is unfair you know... sometimes a person who works hard with great determination.. doesnt get as good results as those people.. who are just plan lucky...
for example.. there are those people.. who work bloody hard.. in a company for so many years.. and dun get much appreciation.. and another guy who's only been working for a couple of years.. good at talking crap, sucking up and have charisma.... get better promotions...
However, if hard work and determination.. is the only thing that we have.. then we just gotta keep on working.. and whatever the results will be... be glad that we've done all that we can do...
11:51 PM
♂ cant believe another one died
It's not a really good day indeed... another rat died during surgery today... and we're not really sure what happened to it... maybe the surgery just took too long.. or perhaps the isofluorane is too concentrated... either way.. ill try pay much much much closer attention to the rat's heartbeat next time..
After that 1st rat... it was lunch break.. managed to have lunch with sofia and su on the lawn near union house today.. been v long time since the last i ate oriental.. and they still taste good as before... try ordering lemon chicken.. and the mix the lemon sauce with curry sauce.. delicious stuff...
When i went back to the surgery.. we attempted to do another one... but it seemed that the other rat was quite resistant to iso.. on the other hand.. the surgery was kinda packed.. and the vacuum suction system seemed to be having some problems... so we ended up postponing the rest for tomorrow... Since i still had about 3 hours.. I went down to the microscopy to take more photographs... it went pretty well.. i'm getting kinda good with the fluorescence microscope...
When i reached home, alga was already waiting... she wanted to use my sis scanner for something... and then we had dinner together while watching lara croft... she seemed to be kinda stressed out...
Mood for today... kinda disappointed about the rat thingy... and getting really worried too.. i have to get some really good data fast if i want to release a paper this year.. but at this rate of 1 rat dying in every batch of 4... it's not good.. i hope things get better in the next few weeks.. before my supervisor leave to europe...
Thoughts... Do you think it's strange that when you try to get rid of something.. or avoid someone.. that particular thing/person.. just keeps coming back.. like a magnet that you can't get rid of... However, when you try.. to get close to that thing or that person.... they always seem to be drifting away...
12:32 AM