Wednesday, March 19, 2008
♂ new blog
I've made a new blog here
12:10 AM
Sunday, December 23, 2007
♂ 2007 reviews
I wonder if I made the right decision, quitting the lab just like that... although now I'm pretty well aware of the consequences. I've sent messages to tons of people, asking them if they could supervise me, none accepted, after looking at my previous records. You can safely say that I've been blacklisted by the scientific community, damage had been done and I'm not sure if they can be repaired.
2007 had been a rough year for me, I was depressed for much of the year, especially during the winter periods. I'm not really sure why. There were so many things that I was thinking about, so many dilemmas I faced, that I was utterly confused and distraught. In the end, none of them were solved, I just ran, far away from my problems. The harder I ran, the heavier the burdens on my shoulder became. People say when you have a weight on your shoulder, you should let it go and walk on. I let go of my burden, and now, I wonder if I should've let them go in the 1st place. Perhaps I gave out too soon. I probably could have gone on and worked them out. However, I didn't, I ran away from them. In that respect, I'm a failure.
Now, I'm trying to start a new chapter in my life. I took a masters course in education, maybe I have a chance in teaching. I hope I'll be strong and persistent enough to walk on this path. Let's see what's gonna happen.
10:29 PM
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
♂ i've finally done it
I've finally done it. Well, I actually did it about 3 weeks ago. I gathered up the courage to go talk to my supervisor and pull out of the project. I told him that I had some personal difficulties and could not dedicate time to do it anymore. Damn, I feel like such a jerk. I am a jerk, I pulled out of the project just like that, and I don't even have a bloody good reason. I felt really bad afterwards, during the trip home from uni on that day, I almost cried on the tram. Perhaps I shed a little bit of tears. 2 weeks since then, life has been very dull like usual. I feel really... bumped. It's like, I want to do something. I want to do a phd. I want to do research. However, things... circumstances... just aren't clicking. I feel like, all doors have been closed on my face, or maybe I closed them myself. I don't know what to think, feel or want anymore. I am just so... tired. Last Sunday, I tried to contact my old honours supervisor, I was wondering if he would let me continue on my old honours project. Up til now, well it's only been 1 day... but he hasn't replied me yet. I do not expect much, things have not been going well for me. I guess he probably have heard about me dropping out of the potential phd project that i took earlier this year and doesn't want a dropout like me. When I called my mom earlier, she seemed to expect so much from me, she wanted me to continue do a phd, and I don't wanna disappoint her. But.... what can i do? I guess at the end of it, I will have to disappoint her. I am a failure.
12:02 AM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
♂ can't go..
It's been more than 2 months since I haven't gone back to lab. I still am not going. I dun wanna go. By the way, this is not the lab that I did my honours. This is another lab that I hoped to do my phd later in. I dun know exactly why I dun like the place. It's just one of those places where I do not feel comfortable in. It's not that people are rude and mean. It's just that... I do not like that place. Have you ever been to a place that once you went in, you just feel like you wanna get out as fast as possible. That's how I feel. When I went in there in the morning, the first thing that came to mind was how I can get out of there as soon as possible. Lately for the past couple of months, I can't even bring myself to go there. I wake up every morning, telling myself that this is the day, I've gotta go but I can't. Whenever I've done all my morning chores (bath, etc), I;ve got this sinking feeling in my chest. I can't go. I feel bad for my supervisor, he's such a nice guy. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why do I hate that place so much.
12:49 PM
Monday, July 30, 2007
♂ Mike Gravel..
When I watched the CNN Youtube Democratic debate, I was impressed by one of the candidate Mike Gravel. I guess out of all the candidates on that program, only 2 people were truly honest. Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel.
One of the things that really caught my attention about Mike Gravel is his Taxation plan. To put it simply, he believed that people should not be taxed based on what they earned and worked hard for but on what they spend. Therefore, he proposed a fairtax program where the income tax is abolished and establishing a progressive national sales tax of 19-23% on new goods and services.
For compensation of necessities such as food, clothing, transportation; he is proposing a "prebate" to untax the lower income groups. This is done by calculating and projecting the costs of monthly necessities and sending cheques to the lower income households to compensate.
I liked the idea of abolishing income tax and establishing a national sales tax in place of it. However, the compensation for lower income groups has the potential to be corrupted by the individual households. I personally feel that establishing a tax-free status on government sold necessities would be more appropriate. As a socialist, I think the government should companies that manufacture and sell these necessary goods and services, which will be tax-free. This can extend to farms, clothing factories, transportation services and hospitals.
However, the idea of the government managing all these different companies would be a mammoth task. It may be possible for the government to instead sell government tax-free franchises to the public. However, in order to prevent a tiny group of individuals from controlling these tax-free necessities. A law should be passed that prohibits a single group or individual from owning more than 20% of the franchise. The management of the franchise should be rotated every 5 years and elected by the major franchise owners. In addition, as a franchise, these companies have to adhere to government standards and regulations to maintain their tax-free status. Moreover, the tax-free franchise status have a certain expiry period (maybe 10-20 years) after which the private franchise owners have to renew and purchase another period of tax-free status.
10:43 AM
Friday, June 08, 2007
♂
| You are a Social Liberal (63% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (11% permissive) You are best described as a:
Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test |
10:04 AM
Friday, December 01, 2006
♂ there is no justice...
Success in life depends a lot on just being in the right place at the right time. For example, throughout this year, I've met 2 different kinds of people. One person worked his ass off for his honours project. From what I observe, he came in to the lab earlier than me, and went home later than me. I think he spent like 10-14 hours on average doing work everyday (including weekends). He practically put his body, heart and soul to this honours year. In the end, the project results were crap. It's not his fault, it's just that his experiment failed. His hypothesis is not true. However, he got quite a good mark. Not remarkable, but good enough.
Then, we look at the 2nd person. This person does quite some amount of work as well... much less than the 1st person though and also less than me. I believe throughout this year, all that this person has done is counting cells. She practically only came for a couple of hours to lab, look at slides and count cells. However, she belongs to a big part of a huge project. Nevertheless, the majority of the experiments in the project were done by someone else. However, it turns out that the project came up with some very exciting results. What kind of marks did she get? Let me just say that she came out to be one of the students who got the top marks in the faculty.
Which brings me back to my point. Success in life depends a lot on being in the right place at the right time. Let's face it. Life is unfair. Mean, bitchy, and just plain evil people often gets better in life than nice, hardworking and decent folks. I can honestly say the same about myself. I am very fortunate to have parents who are rich enough to support my studies here in australia. However, I also know some of my cousins in my home country who weren't as fortunate. When I look at them, i know that they are much better than me both in their intellectual capabilities and their determination. However, they are forced to stop their education after high school in order to work and help support their family.
How do i feel about this? Am I going to be bitter about it? You bet I am. I feel that there is something very wrong about this. Instinctively, I believe that people who work hard should be much more appreciated. However, in the end. People mainly appreciate results. They don't really care how much work you've put in. They just want to know what they can get out of it. People who work hard and still fail, they call as failures. Believe me, there are those out there who keeps on trying and trying but never made it. There are those who doesn't even try, and made it.
5:52 PM